Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Things I'm starting to enjoy lately

For one, it is getting easier to compare prices in the supermarket. I also started to like watching people go by juxtaposed to a stationary background. Moreover, there's a special kind of joy to tracing a moving car with your eyes while being in motion yourself. It's amazing you and the car are in motion and you can adjust your eyes as for it not to go double! I'm sure many of the visually spoiled out there don't even think about things like that, but there's more!

I'm starting to understand the concept of sightseeing I think. I have done my share of traveling before but I never really enjoyed views that much. I liked traveling because of different reasons. Now I can point both of my eyes at the things I am looking at and, even though I don't really see any 3D yet, it already feels different. It's different from my 'old 2D'. Somehow it's more overwhelming. Seeing is starting to be a pleasure. Not every second of having my eyes open implies suffering. My new appreciation for my undoubled vision extends to renewed appreciation for the environment that surrounds me. It also struck me that many people experience their first stereo moment while looking at unusual objects or scenes. Additionally, Oliver Sacks wrote about how detrimental being in a confined hospital room for several weeks had been for his sense of stereopsis. So why not get out there?

Since Brussels hosts most EU institutions and 25% of Brussels' population is of muslim origin, it is home to one of the most diverse populations in the world.
People of foreign origin make up nearly 70% of the population of Brussels, most of whom have been naturalized following the great 1991 reform of the naturalization process. 32% of the inhabitants are of foreign European origin, and 36% are of a non-Western background mostly from Morocco, Turkey and Sub-Saharan Africa. Among all major migrant groups from outside the EU, a majority of the permanent residents have acquired Belgian nationality. -  Wikipedia
With its three language communities (Dutch, French and German) Belgium as a country wasn't lacking in diversity to begin with. I moved to Brussels in a terrible state and haven't had much of an opportunity to get to know it. In another attempt to combine strab-business with pleasure, I decided to go sightSEEING regularly.

Taking the metro is starting to get much more pleasant for me. Because of my improved vision I feel much more in control already and am starting to feel less motion sick. I'm also getting to understand why one can enjoy people watching. Especially with all this diversity it is fascinating to just listen to and watch people in Brussels.  Moreover, it's fun to stand at the back of a carriage and take in the entire trains interior view and see the movement in comparison to its surroundings.

I don't even have to go far to see some interesting things. Who needs Paris or Rome when you have Brussels?





The horses on top of that monument for instance did something funny to my vision I can't really put my finger on. It wasn't 3D though... It's like you are somehow opening the perceptual gates by aligning your eyes. It doesn't happen instantaneously but if you keep doing it over an extended period of time things will start a-changin'. I often must look like a 5 year old watching the Lion King for the first time, or at least I do on the inside. I enjoy the view but it quickly drains me. So when I'm running empty I take the metro home. I always make sure to have a fairly easy exit strategy so it remains a positive experience and doesn't become a drag. Anyways, no one ever said you couldn't bring some culture into the strab-business. ;)

Sunday, October 20, 2013

How to use 3D gaming in Vision Therapy at extremely low cost

How much as the strab-business might stink, there has actually never been a more hopeful time for strabismics. Neuroscience and technology are maturing to a level at which it is possible to introduce 3D technology and touch screens into the treatment of binocular problems. Thanks to a VT friend of mine named Aaron I learned how to install real games and more importantly apply 3D visual outputting to them. Because of my visual problems I had to let a lot of my geeky pursuits go in remission but stuff like this sure does revive my enthusiasm. I will try to explain how to get this stuff running on your computer for Windows users (although it must be pretty similar for other platforms I reckon).

Visual requirements:
I would say it is advisable that you have sufficient motor control over your eyes as to align them while playing the game. I have reached that visual level now and use the game to achieve better anti-suppression, more sensory fusion and hopefully in time some stereo vision. Aaron said it greatly helped him improve his stereo skills because it is engaging and the graphics are nice and more outspokenly 3D than real life experience. Combining business and pleasure is what we are going for here, as a complaint of VT patients often heard is the tediousness of VT procedures. Although boring repetition is certainly necessary while building very basic visual skills it is nice to add some juice to the mix later on. Depending on your level and your own feel you will know whether it's too soon or not.


The game Aaron proposed is called Trine 2. It has two advantages:
- It's not a first person game, meaning that you are looking at your character from the side. In my opinion it allows for more relaxed gaming and more time for your vision to adapt. Remember that you want to reap a double benefit: perceptual learning and some fun without overwhelming your vision completely. Being killed from the side seems more zen than having it done to you head on. Attacks on your person in first person might leave you more frustrated with your visual skills than anything else. On top of the side view, the game is set in a mythical environment with dreamy music in the background which also helps.
- It has a free demo!

System requirements (for Windows):
OS: Windows 7 / Vista / XP
CPU: 2.0 GHz CPU (Dual Core recommended)
RAM: 1 GB
HDD: 1.5 GB
GFX: ATi Radeon HD 2400 or NVIDIA GeForce 7600 or better (Shader Model 3.0 needs to be supported)
DX®: 9.0c Audio: DirectX 9.0c compatible

Important: Trine 2 may not run on Intel graphics solutions form 2004-2009. The game does run on new (2010-) Intel HD Graphics 3000 or better.

How to get the game?
Sign up for and download Steam. Once you did, this download manager will allow you to download and install the game.

How to get the game to play in 3D?
There are many different kinds of 3D technology which are all intended to supply each of your eyes with a slightly different image. The one that is cheapest and doesn't require extra tech equipment is red/cyan based 3D. The only things you need are very low cost red/cyan glasses and a 3D driver on your computer capable of outputting red/cyan graphics.



For you to know which 3D driver you can use, you need to find out what kind of video card your computer has. Learn how to do that here.

- If you have an NVIDIA video card it is possible your computer already has standard 3D support. Go to the NVIDIA control panel to check out the keyboard shortcuts. Normally CTRL + T will enable stereoscopic viewing if the game supports it which, in the case of Trine 2, it does. If 3D is not supported by default you can download a 3D driver designed by NVIDIA to go with your particular video card.

- In case you use an Intel HD Graphics solution (or other) you can download the iZ3D driver here. Select Anaglyph and download the driver.

Once you downloaded and executed the software it will show you the keyboard shortcuts you need to turn on and adjust the 3D graphics according to your needs. More divergence, more convergence... Whatever is most comfortable for you to start building more visual skills and better fusion. In case you only see red or cyan, you are suppressing. In my experience movement helps with anti-suppression and so it is too in playing this game.

If you get tired of playing the free Demo you can buy the game for a few bucks. In any case, this allows you to try 3D gaming at virtually no cost if you already have a pretty good computer. Cart board glasses and that's it basically.

I hope this explanation is clear enough in order to make 3D technology accessible for visually impaired people. The result of your endeavors should look like this:


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Vision Therapy Posters

'Keep Calm and Carry On' was a motivational poster produced by the British government in 1939 several months before the beginning of the Second World War, intended to raise the morale of the British public in the aftermath of widely predicted mass air attacks on major cities It had only limited distribution with no public display, and thus was little known. It was believed there were only two known surviving examples of the poster outside government archives until a collection of 20 originals was brought in to the Antiques Roadshow in 2012 by the daughter of an ex-Royal Observer Corps member.

Time to bring out this iconic poster once more! Too many children with visible and invisible vision issues are going undiagnosed or are being misdiagnosed with behavioral problems. Even in case they are diagnosed with the correct binocular vision issue, they are often left untreated or mistreated. Curable eye teaming and perceptual problems are jeopardizing their future. People seem to like those retro looking posters so get them into your doctor's offices, schools, optician's stores, hospitals, ... Automatically people will be drawn to them and upon reading ask themselves the right questions.






PDF version


The PDF files are meant for easy printing. If any of you come up with other good slogans or completely different format ideas, let me know!



PDF version













Also see:
- Vision Therapy Comic

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Book Review: 'The Autistic Brain, thinking across the spectrum' by Temple Grandin

I want to start out by clarifying my vantage point and why I read this book with great interest. When I heard an interview with Temple Grandin on the brain science podcast about this book and how she emphasized the great neglect of sensory issues in both research and treatment of autism I hád to read it. I am not autistic but I sure as hell do know what it is to have sensory brain issues. The only genetic predisposition I had was a tendency to be long sighted. That and flawed vision screenings performed by surgery-happy eye doctors made for abnormal sensory brain development. So I was wondering what would happen to you if you did in fact have a more serious genetic predisposition for abnormal brain development and it wasn't just induced by medical negligence and malpractice. This book didn't disappoint in providing me with some answers.  In addition, I even feel like I can add some useful information on visual sensory problems which was not mentioned in the book.

The book starts out with three fundamental questions about the autistic brain. How does a brain get to be autistic? What does an autistic brain look like? How does it function?

1. How does a brain get to be autistic?
Being both a scientist and autistic, Temple Grandin does not spare us any details. After showing us the latest developments in 'autistic genetics' she concludes there problably is no such thing as an autistic gene. Definitely there is a significant genetic origin but there is no such thing as thé autistic gene.  Moreover it's not very clear what role environment plays in molding the genotype into the phenotype, that is the selection and expression of certain genes into the real-life person. The genetics of autism, it seems, is increasingly becoming a quagmire. There is not one obvious cause, but multiple causes.

2. So what does an autistic brain look like? Because of her status as relatively famous autism advocate Temple Grandin has had access to all types of brain scans. The 'traditional' fMRI (fucntional magnetic resonance), DTI (Defusion Tensor Imaging) and even a new method that is not available to the public yet called HDFT (High Definition Fiber Tracking) which provides hyper-detailed brain imaging. We take a look at what these imaging techniques revealed about her brain. She explains how the images of her brain anatomy relate to her own behavior, deficits and strengths. But what does this teach us about autism? Where does the autism end and the individuality of her brain start? What is the trademark of an autistic brain? This question leaves us with some 'inconvenient' truths about autism.

-Homogeneity of brain structures: In general autistic brains look quite normal anatomically. For about 95% of the comparisons with the control subjects the differences were negligible. This overwhelming normalcy in the autistic brain is the rule, not the exception. Autistic brains are not broken brains but they did develop differently.
- Hetereogeneity of causes: Even when researchers do think they’ve found a match between an autistic person’s behavior and an anomaly in the brain, they can’t be sure that someone else manifesting the same behavior would have the same anomaly.
- Hetereogeneity of behaviors: Conversely, when researchers find an anomaly in the brain, they can’t
be sure that that anomaly will have the same behavioral effect in a different brain.

These findings have important implications for how we view and certainly how we diagnose autism. Thanks to advances in neuroscience and genetics, we can begin a new phase in the history of autism, an era that returns to the  search for a cause, but this time with three big differences.

"One, the search for the cause involves not the mind (psychology) but the brain (neurology)—not some phantom refrigerator mom (as one of the first autism researchers stated was the cause of autism) but observable neurological and genetic evidence.
Two, because we realize how extraordinarily complex the brain is, we know this search will lead not to a cause but to causes.
Three, we need to be looking for a cause or multiple causes not of autism but of each symptom along the whole spectrum."

If you only take away one thing from this book it should be this: don't get hung up on labels or diagnoses. Diagnoses have their practical uses but never lose focus of the actual biology.  "I beg you do not allow a child or an adult to become defined by a DSM (Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders) label." She argues that instead of looking to give psychiatry a neuroscientific basis, they even seem to move away from that goal. "To me, the DSM-5 sounds like diagnosis by committee. It’s a bunch of doctors sitting around a conference table arguing about insurance codes. Thanks to label-locked thinking, we now have a cornucopia of diagnoses—and there simply aren’t enough brain systems for all these names."  Let’s not group people together by diagnosis. Forget about the diagnosis which essentially is a construct of the human mind too blunt to capture the complexity of every individual case. Forget about labels. Focus on the symptom.

"My friend Walter Schneider, who developed high-definition fiber tracking at the University of Pittsburgh, is already making that argument—probably because he has so vividly seen for himself the potential of this approach.

  “We are searching for actionable diagnosis,” he says. “Not just that we say, ‘Yeah, you’re different,’ but, ‘You are different and because of this particular form of difference, we think this is the most likely path for getting you to as much of the outcome as we want you to get.’ We want to go in and in on that individual brain—not a group study but an individual brain—so we can say to a parent, ‘This is what the situation is, this is what we expect the effect to be, and this is how we plan to get around it as efficiently as possible to give you effective communication with your child in the next two years.’

It may well be that ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) and schizophrenia will increasingly be thought of in a similar light”—different behaviors arising from the same genetic source. As a result, Šestan and State anticipated that treatment trials would be organized around “shared mechanisms” rather than “psychiatric diagnostic categories.” They didn’t doubt that this rethinking of the autistic brain would be challenging. But like Schneider, they foresaw the development of therapies that were not only more effective but “more personalized.”


Twenty years from now, I think we’re going to look back on a lot of this diagnostic stuff (based on behavior) and say, “That was garbage.” So as I see it, we have a choice. We can wait twenty years and several more editions of the DSM before we start to clean up this mess. Or we can take advantage of the technological resources that are beginning to become available and start a new phase right now."

3. How does the autistic brain function?
An important aspect of how our brain functions and how we interact with the world are our senses. Sensory problems may make it impossible for some individuals on the autism spectrum to participate in normal family activities, much less get jobs. A lot of research has been done on the social aspects of autism but sensory problems have largely been ignored.

'For all the research on the autistic brain that neuroscientists and geneticists are conducting, for all the breakthroughs they’re achieving, the subject of sensory problems is clearly not a priority. Sensory problems in people with autism are “ubiquitous,” as a 2011 review article in Pediatric Research put it, yet the topic receives disproportionately little attention. Much of the research I found about sensory problems in autistics comes from nonautism journals, and many of those journals are not published in the United States. Even the articles on sensory problems in the autistic population that do appear in autism journals often go out of their way to bemoan the sorry state of research. “There is concern over the lack of systematical empirical research into sensory behaviors in ASD and confusion over the description and classification of sensory symptoms,” wrote the authors of one 2009 study, while the authors of another study that same year complained of a “dearth of information.” In 2011, I contributed an article to a big scholarly book on autism. More than fourteen hundred pages. Eighty-one articles in all. Guess what. The only paper that addressed sensory problems was mine.

Over the decades, I’ve seen hundreds if not thousands of research papers on whether autistics have theory of mind—the ability to imagine oneself looking at the world from someone else’s point of view and have an appropriate emotional response. But I’ve seen far, far fewer studies on sensory problems—probably because they would require researchers to imagine themselves looking at the world through an autistic person’s jumble of neuron misfires. You could say they lack theory of brain.

  I suspect that they simply don’t understand the urgency of the problem. They can’t imagine a world where scratchy clothes make you feel as if you’re on fire, or where a siren sounds “like someone is drilling a hole into my skull,” as one autistic person described it. Most researchers can’t imagine living a life in which every novel situation, threatening or not, is fueled by an adrenaline rush, as one study indicates is the case in many people with autism. Because most researchers are normal human beings, they’re social creatures, so from their point of view, worrying about how to socialize autistics makes sense. Which it does, up to a point. But how can you socialize people who can’t tolerate the environment where they’re supposed to be social—who can’t practice recognizing the emotional meanings of facial expressions in social settings because they can’t go into a restaurant? Like other researchers, autism investigators want to solve the problems causing the most damage, but I don’t think they appreciate just how much damage sensory sensitivity can cause.

 I’ve talked to researchers who even say that the sensory problems aren’t real. Hard to believe, I know. They call themselves strict behaviorists. I call them biology deniers. I tell them to consider this possibility: “Maybe that kid is freaking out in the middle of Walmart because he feels like he’s inside a speaker at a rock concert. Wouldn’t you be freaking out if you were inside a speaker at a rock concert?” I’ve had researchers then ask me, “If the kid is screaming because he’s sensitive to sounds, then shouldn’t that sound be bothering him?” Not if he’s sensitive to only certain kinds of sounds. Sometimes those particular sounds don’t even need to be loud in order to be annoying.

And not every person who suffers from a sensory disorder suffers to the same degree. I've learned to live with the sound of hands under air dryers or door alarms in airports. For some people, though, the sensory problems are debilitating. They can't function in normal environments like offices and restaurants. Pain and confusion defines their lives. 


Whatever form these sensory problems take, they're real, they're common, and they require attention.
I’ve given them that attention—and what I’ve found has surprised me, shocked me, and even led me to question some of the basic assumptions about autism itself."


I think it is also important to realize that sensory problems are not exclusive to autistics, although they are much more prevalent among them. Even I, a non autistic person with environmentally induced sensory problems, can identify with all the bold parts in this excerpt. I still believe people never helped me because they don't have a clue and not because they are evil, although sometimes you really feel like they don't give a crap about the truth. It's like they just want to pretend to help you so they can salve their conscience however poor the result of their actions. My genetic predisposition for sensory problems was nil. I just had some longsightedness. Flawed testing procedures ignored that and let it develop into full blown strabismus on top of which they inflicted more physical trauma by performing eye muscle surgery. I was a very social kid but increasingly I was less able to tolerate my environment which is now keeping me from functioning normally. So you might say now I have a need for 'solitude and sameness', a need often associated with autism, despite my adventurous character simply because of my induced sensory problems. I suspect this is a great hurdle for low functioning autistics too. What if it just takes heroic amounts of energy to do anything because of abnormal brain wiring? These experiences reinforce the idea of looking at biology and dealing with symptoms and not with labels or, in the case of strabismus, with cosmetics. Autistics are on the far end of a spectrum but we are all part of the spectrum. Depending on the person they might be on the far end of various spectra making them low rather than high functioning. When it comes to visual sensory problems I too am on the far end of that spectrum.

Based on autistic self-reports and books written by low functioning autistics she organically developed the concepts of 'acting self' and 'thinking self'. Even while not being autistic, but having a sensory problem,  I can identify with these concepts. I feel there is a certain disconnect between what I want/think and what my vision and my body can deliver. Various self reports by non-verbal autistics who have written their testimonials by typing or other means often show how normal their thought process is. A new book by a non-verbal autistic Japanese teenager called 'The reason I jump' (check it out) only reaffirms this thought. Another telling example is this news report on an autistic girl named Carly. I too sometimes feel like I'm locked in and can only escape by relearning how to use my eyes with great effort and time but I can only try to imagine how it must be if the divide between the 'thinking self' and the 'acting self' is even greater.

Sensory problems in autistics can manifest as sensory seeking, sensory over-responsiveness and sensory under-responsiveness. Sensory seekers can't get enough of a certain sensation and will keep looking for that sensation as she herself demonstrated with her squeeze machine as can be seen in the movie based on her life. The two other categories are much harder to distinguish based on observation. A slow reaction (under-responsiveness) might be caused by being overwhelmed by a certain sensory sensation (over-responsiveness). So that's where self reports come in as essential pieces or research material. I myself can certainly identify with visually being overwhelmed causing me to react slowly sometimes. She uses the analogy of being in a foreign language environment: you are overwhelmed by all the sounds which you are trying to decipher making you slow in your reaction (if any). Some anti-social behaviors might simply be caused by sensory over-stimulation or under-stimulation. You can be researching 'the social structures' of the brain to death, if you have a sensory problem that is impeding you from functioning it won't yield any results. Apparently the research community just doesn't get it... Or they are willingly suppressing the research that already has been done. That is not unusual either, when it comes to vision research at least.

Sensory problems can include taste sensitivity, olfactory sensitivity, tactile sensitivity, auditory processing problems and visual processing problems. She has done her homework and met many people who are affected by all kinds of sensory problems and provides advise on how to deal with them based on their accounts. Of course, I myself have most experience with visual processing problems. With her visual tract that is 400% the size of normal visual brain wiring she experiences few visual problems. 'My visual processing is, if anything, superior to others, though I don’t know whether that’s due to how my eyes work or to how my brain interprets the signals that my eyes send.' I suspect that is why her advice for these kind of visually impaired folks is kind of meager. She repeatedly mentions colored Irlen lenses to alleviate visual stress while reading. Sure, it seems to work for some people and who am I to argue but for many people that isn't enough. Coincidentally this week I read another piece of research stating: Another binocular vision related topic discussed in reading impairment literature is Irlen coloured filters for “scotopic sensitivity syndrome”. These custom-tinted lenses are proposed to result in higher levels of efficiency when reading. Schiemann et al. [13], however, have shown that the majority (approximately 95%) of such Irlen cases potentially have unresolved binocular vision and refractive anomalies. Given the significant overlap in symptoms between the two conditions (including double vision and headaches), the authors expressed concern that binocular vision dysfunction issues were being under-detected, and concluded that although all Irlen centres require a normal result from a routine eye examination prior to referral, routine exams may not necessarily include a cycloplegic examination or accommodative and/or vergence testing [13].

So I say: Get that kid, autistic or non-autistic, a comprehensive vision exam and if needed into Vision Therapy! Irlen lenses will help some people but it will not work for people with more serious vision problems who are most in need of visual brain training! It's kind of surprising Temple Grandin didn't make the connection as she endorsed 'Fixing My Gaze' on its cover by saying 'Essential reading for people interested in the brain'. So she knows about the existence of VT.

In general, the way she advises to deal with sensory problems or other brain deficits for that matter is similar to the ones I have read about earlier (Vision Therapy, Fast ForWord by Michael Merzenich, Arrowsmith program,...): slow things down, bring the task to a level the person can successfully execute so they can learn and accumulate a higher skill level. Find the comfort zone boundary and gradually redefine it. A lot of neuroplastic therapies (vision therapy, speech therapy, ...) can make a huge difference.

Even though the visual advice was rather incomplete because of her own superior visual skills I agreed with her rational of approaching symptoms on a brain-by-brain basis. It also reaffirmed many of my frustrations that currently most people, including health care professionals, have no idea what they are doing. She ends this section of the book by reiterating the need for new research priorities when it comes to autism: a diagnoses based on biology and looking into sensory problems. Reading that I couldn't help but thinking "or just acknowledging what many 'alternative' health care providers such as developmental optometrists already know instead of willfully suppressing the research".

Looking for strengths
Without downplaying the suffering and problems associated with autism this book ends on a positive note. Autistics have many strengths and even if we could completely 'solve' autism it would come at a great cost. Too much of a trait causes disability but a little bit can provide an advantage. We need autistic brains around. Notable strengths are bottom up thinking, associative thinking and creative thinking. I'm sure the list is not exhaustive either. In addition the concept of different kinds of thinking (verbal thinking, object visualizers, spatial visualizers) is illustrated by intriguing examples and proposed as a way of helping people find their strengths.

A lot of very useful practical advise for parents following the idea 'focus on strengths, accommodate deficits' is also provided. Technology and notably tablets open up a whole new world of opportunities and learning.
'This generation is fortunate in an important way. They're the tablet generation - the touchscreen, create-anything generation. I've already talked about how these devices are an improvement over previous computers because the keyboard is right on the screen; autistic viewers don't have to move their eyes to see the result of their typing. But tablets also have other advantages for the autistic population....' (Again, can't help thinking 'get those kids in VT to help them improve their eye movements')

Indulge interests and obsessions through technology but she also urges parents to try teach a minimum of social skill which will be important in order to find employment later on. If you are interested or in need of this sort of practical tips, please don't be satisfied with this trimmed down version and buy the book! It's well worth the read for anyone interested in autism or the brain in general.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Check-up 7

I already knew what my improvements and results have been over the last few months but I'm always happy to go for my 'report card' to make it official. It is almost exactly three years ago that I first set foot in my optometrist's office. The situation was abysmal. Post-op strab with constant double vision. You can read plenty of entries on this blog to get a faint idea of what it must be like. His initial verdict was that they had made it impossible for me to recover and that he thought it would be useless for me to start training.

Every check-up since I have exceeded his expectations and this seventh time was no different. During our last meeting he was already shelving his skepticism to a great extent. Today I was welcomed with the phrase 'You are a tough guy, aren't ya?'. Hahaha. 'Yeah, and I'm not done yet' I replied. He looked at the computerized training reviews and we discussed my experiences. My ocular control and motor abilities keep improving both in accuracy and duration. My double vision has almost disappeared all the time. Not only in static situations but also while moving. I told him that for the first time I felt like these new abilities were impacting my productivity for the better. He noted that I don't seem to reach an upper limit or plateau 'which is unusual'. During the meeting he said things like 'This is truly inspiring. Not everyone can pull off what you are doing here. This gives me renewed faith in the power of vision therapy.' It's great to get recognition and I do work a lot on this stuff. However, I think I just did what I had to do to survive. There is no other way. So at last my Germanic, reserved optometrist has finally defrosted and might end up being my biggest fan. Yay! No more explanations about how I might not have developed binocular cells that might prevent me from succeeding. He now admits he just doesn't know where this might end and that he can't promise me anything but he can't exclude anything either. I knew that. You will never know your potential to do something until you develop it. Or as our good friend Nelson Mandela would say: 'It always seems impossible until it's done'.

Nonetheless a few interesting things happened during our testing routine.
- When covering one eye and then consequently waving the pedal in front of the other eye my gaze remains rock solid. Previously when focusing with one eye the other eye would start to wander. No more. At least not at that moment.
- We did some tracking exercises and both eyes seem to follow pretty well for most angles.
- Since my visual abilities start to reach a certain level that might allow for a new way of perceiving sooner or later he asked me to look at a stereogram with polarized glasses. It was a 'near-by' stereogram testing close up stereopsis which requires converging the eyes. I didn't really see any stereo or whatever so he told me to use my intuition and guess which animal in a row of five was closest to me. There was no way to cheat or rationalize my way out of this, so I just looked at it for a few instances and thought it might be the second one. He asked why I thought that as if it were the last question of 'Who wants to be a millionaire?'. I just thought it looked a little darker or something because I couldn't really say why. The right answer was indeed the second animal! It might have been sheer luck but he told me it could also be some stereo-ability creeping up on me unconsciously.  Five minutes later we also did an in-instrument divergence stereogram and this time I didn't get the correct answer. The future will tell whether stereopsis is growing in the back of my head or not.

All in all it was great to get this kind of feed back. The road is long but I'm still advancing against all odds so the outcome will depend on my own work. Even if I don't develop stereopsis (although I think it will logically ensue) I will reach a level of functional vision that will allow me to live.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Why and how can text-to-speech programs be helpful to some strabismics?

It is only recently that I started appreciating the value of text-to-speech programs and there's a couple of good reasons for that.

- Not all text-to-speech programs are created equal. You have to find the right one. I'm not in the business of making publicity for anything but I think the program I'm using deserves to be mentioned. TextAloud is available in English, Spanish and some other European languages. Especially when combined with an optional 'natural voice' it proves to be enjoyable to work with.



- My vision had to reach a certain level for it to be a help rather than another sensory annoyance. Now that to a large extent my double vision has subsided but I still feel like I can't fully enjoy my vision, it can be a nice 'crutch' while keeping me on the road of vision improvement. Previously the sound was just adding to the visual confusion of double vision and making for even more sensory overload. At this point in time I possess the ocular motor skills to align my eyes and execute the saccades for reading even though it's a fragile undertaking. Somehow with the help of text to speech technology the visual pressure of executing the eye movements and simultaneously extracting meaning from the text with vision alone is relieved by the auditive help. My productivity has risen greatly without hurting myself in the form of headaches, jaw cramps, eye strain, ... Essentially I like it because it allows me to do the things I love like learning new things and exploring new ideas while 'looking soft'. This activity is contributing, rather than harming, to my health and vision in the form of visual fitness and sensory integration. Combining the strab-business with pleasure for a change.

 This, ladies and gentlemen, is the beginning of the end of all this misery. Opening up opportunities for a learning disabled brain while allowing it to further heal itself. To me compensatory technology is useful as a means of transition to better vision not as a final solution. Sometimes I talk about VT and about how I want to 'break even'. By breaking even I mean reaching a level of functional vision that allows me to do my thang without regressing. Obviously I have learned and studied before in my life but always at the expense of my health and that vicious circle has to be stopped. I am not quite there yet but this technical aid is giving me an idea of how it must be and I'm loving it. Just being able to be absorbed with a certain subject without suffering. Normal people are so visually spoiled...

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Book review: Fixing My Gaze by Susan Barry

After I read 'Fixing My Gaze' for the third time in three years I decided to write a long overdue review about the book that got this whole VT party started. I first read it during the summer of 2010. At the time I was undergoing all kinds of personal, academic and medical crises and I realized I was on my own. So I turned to the oracle that is Google and went looking for better alternatives to help me get rid of my double vision. This time in English. I discovered Vision Therapy. I was already flabbergasted by this whole new universe of useful information on vision therapy related websites which I was reading with great effort. Then I found out about a book called 'Fixing my gaze' and watched some Youtube videos by the author of the book named Susan Barry. So... THERE IS A SOLUTION NO ONE HAS TOLD ME ABOUT?! Aside from the cerebral double vision short circuit all kinds of fireworks were going off in my brain. The situation was bleak but now there were new elements to consider. Quickly I ordered the book and when it arrived I read my way through it in a less quick post-op double vision strab kind of style. This book contained the information I had needed ever since my eyes started crossing at the age of three and it was clear I would have to do whatever it takes to make things right again despite of the twenty year delay and medical mishaps. Denying the information in this book, as some 'VT critics' seem keen on doing, should be listed as a criminal offence. After all, the book only talks about healthy visual brain development and has the endorsement of two Nobel prize winners on the back...

Needless to say this book got me through some grim times. If it was not for the constructive perspective and the better outlook this book provided I might not have been sitting here at all. That's something unusual to say in a book review I guess. Even reading it for the third time gave me another boost of much needed energy. Every time I read it I am relating more to different parts of the book. Partly because of the fact that I was younger back then and partly because my vision has actually changed over the years! Some parts I couldn't relate to simply because of not having had that visual experience. The first time I read it I wasn't just younger, I had the vision development level of a baby. Worse, a visually wounded baby.

Something that struck me every time I read it is the fact that suppression is a more energy consuming way for the brain to see as opposed to normal binocular viewing. These adaptive mechanisms such as suppression are very effort consuming. Smooth binocular viewing is the most efficient way to use cortical real estate. That makes a lot of sense of course. It's just surprising how far some people can get removed from that healthy integrated viewing position. As an eye doctor you got to be very ignorant about what you are doing to have patients end up three or four years of rehab removed from such a healthy situation. Sadly the brain does not adapt overnight but fortunately it does adapt. This is masterfully described  in various passages, notably the one covering 'the lazy eye myth'.

All in all the most touching moments in this book are the ones in which Susan Barry attempts to describe how it feels to see in 3D. Paradoxically, there is no way to describe a qualia as powerful as stereovision with language. This makes it all the more tantilizing!

'Gaining stereovision, I thought, would augment my perception of depth but not change it in any fundamental way. So, I was completely unprepared for my new appreciation of space and for the deep feelings of joy and wonder, the enormous emotional high, that these novel sights gave me. To experience for the first time seeing the most ordinary things in stereo feels like scaling a mountain and witnessing your first mountaintop view.'

Or the description of Rachel, someone who was also previously stereoblind. 'It was as if I had stepped inside a painting that I had spent my whole life observing. I was awed and moved to tears. I never experienced a forest in this way. The depth of space and emotion was overwhelming.'

Being still on the road to such extra ordinary epiphanies, my attention was particularly drawn to the link between motion paralax and stereovision. Aside from monocular cues such as size, shadowing and context, stereoblind people get some added sense of depth from movement. This is called 'motion paralax'. It seems that once you learn how to see binocularly this sense of 'motion paralax' is greatly enhanced on top of the newly acquired stereovision.
'So, my ability to see in stereo also translated to a heightened sense of depth through motion.' 'For me, as well as for many of my formerly stereoblind friends, one of the greatest surprises and delights of our new vision has been this incredible sense of depth while moving.'
This stayed with me because lately when I take my walks it seems something weird is going on while walking. Things sometimes seem to have kind of an aura. Might just be the gateway to stereo, or heaven... Whatever floats your boat.

Before you start saying I'm totally over-the-top... It's not all good. Visual transformation takes its toll and even though I don't have stereovision yet, I can already relate to it 'just' from eliminating my double vision. Because many events that happened earlier in my life are only now showing their long term effects along with the overwhelming and exhausting effects of constant visual transformation I related very much to this paragraph.
'Many days I felt both exhilaration and exhaustion. Most people learn to see when they are infants, at a time in their lives when they are cared for, are free to get cranky, and enjoy lots of naps. I was relearning how to see as a responsible, contributing adult. While I went through all the motions at work, I desperately wanted to be left alone, to be quiet and reverent, to take in one long, delicious look after another. I disappeared on long, solitary walks, I was at a loss as to how to explain this to my colleagues and friends.'
She talks about how this feeling of sensory overload just made her (and others with strabismus) want to be alone. How all the new experiences made her look for more peace. She even describes avoiding the news and instead listening to familiar music. About how the visual transformation is so all absorbing that she had to take on fewer responsibilities at work. I didn't even remember reading that the first time. Now it's so relevant to me.

Another awfully familiar experience is feeling like an idiot while trying to explain what you are doing or what you are going through. You want to tell everyone but the reactions are so mellow that you try to relish small victories on your own or with strab friends on the internet. You want to broadcast that stuff even though the rest of the world already 'got it' at the age of four months.

It's clear vision therapy or any kind of rehabilitation takes ungodly amounts of perseverance, practice and determination. I knew that was going to be the case and I thought 'Bring it on!'. I still think that but now I've got the social scars and a VT legacy to back it up. However great the book might be, it will not save you from that. So the fact that I went 'all in' for such a long time and basically studied my way out of this sorry pickle gave the pages about 'active involvement' in rehabilitation a special flavor.

Having read many other things about vision during my VT time many 'technical' names, VT techniques, the organisations involved, the neuroscientists and optometrists, the history of behavioral optometry and passages about the importance of vision in developmental delays all fit together much tighter. The author also emphasizes that the treatment of strabismus is not unambiguous. I personally too have heard of people who have greatly benefited from undergoing surgery. However, it should be stressed that surgery is certainly not the only way to treat strabismus and that in most cases VT is required or even a combination of surgery and VT. Therefore it is of paramount importance that ophthalmologists and developmental optometrists start collaborating. Hopefully this book contributes to taking away the blinders many eye care professionals and educators are wearing.

Last but not least I don't want to spare anyone the closing paragraph of 'Fixing my gaze'. This is what many strabismics out there have been dying to hear and wonderfully recaps what this book is all about.
'I finally relaxed and thought back at all that had happened. When I first learned about stereovision in college, I assumed that if I could see in 3D, I would be better at threading a needle, parking a car, and hitting a tennis ball. Of course, all of this is true, but I had no idea just how different and how magnificent the world would appear in all its glorious dimensions. Most importantly, I learned that I was not the victim of a visual fate that had been sealed in early childhood. I could rehabilitate my own vision. My newfound and hard-earned stereovision has given me an enormous sense of security, confidence, and accomplishment. It is with a stable, clear, and depth filled gaze that I now encounter the world.'